Friday, November 15, 2013

Life is a Blessing

Sometimes, life can throw you a curveball
You don't even recognize the person you have become
Do not let yourself fall
You have to remember where you come from


Step away from the chaos and the stress
Put on your breeches and boots
Take time to appreciate less
Look back in time and remember your roots

Even though people may fail you
God never gives up on us
Put your trust into something true
Follow God through all your distress

Never give up on life
Always keep progressing
Rejoice in your strife
Because life is a blessing


Thursday, October 24, 2013

Mr. Linden's Library

Harris Burdick was a man who walked into a publishing company with multiple intriguing photographs. Each of these photographs came with a story, but Harris Burdick never returned with the stories after he left his images at the publishing company. Famous authors throughout history have written their own stories to go with each of these pictures. these images were very interesting to me, so I wrote a short story to go with my favorite picture. The title of this image is Mr. Linden's library. I hope you enjoy.

Mr. Linden’s Library

At the end of the cul-de-sac on Brighton Street, sat an enormous Victorian mansion.  However this wasn’t just any mansion; stories and myths have swirled around it for decades, and for god reason.  The windows were always shut with thick, black curtains, draped over them.  Dense, viridian vines climbed up the walls of the house.  Cobwebs and spiders entangled themselves in the small dark corners of the window sill.  The two large French doors never opened and no one ever came out of the house. I fact, the house had been still for nearly 40 years. 

               Rumor has it, a man named Porter Linden lived in that house.  Supposedly he moved there after he returned from deployment during World War II.  Suffering from a severe case of PTSD, Mr. Linden moved far away from his friends and family, entered the Victorian mansion, shut the curtains, and was never seen or heard from again.

               Only one person remembered seeing Porter Linden move in that fateful day in November; Mr. Nigel Lawrence, and he had a reputation as a good man.  The entire town looked up to him, however he always seemed as if he was hiding something.  He would sit in his big plush chair resting by the fireplace mantel in his quaint little cottage.  Three doors down from the Linden mansion, was the home of Laurence’s granddaughter.  Rebel was her name, and she lived up to her reputation. 

               On November 13th, the anniversary of Mr. Linden’s departure from the neighborhood 40 years prior, little Rebel Lawrence sat on her granddad’s lap,  and fantasized about the mysteries and wonder that awaited the person who dared enter the house.  She had been warned never to go there, but one day curiosity got the best of her and she slipped out of house after her grandfather went to sleep, and was careful not to let the gate creek on the way out of the yard.  She ran down the sidewalk, her blond ringlets bobbing up and down on her shoulders, and her stubby little legs making stride across the pavement.  After passing endless houses for what seemed like the greater part of an hour, Rebel stood silent at the precipice of the mansion that had tempted her curiosity so many times before. 

               Silence engulfed her as she opened the front door.  Sound itself seemed to drown out upon her entrance into the foyer, and it felt as if she wouldn’t be able to breath.  Panicking Rebel thought about running back out into the street, when suddenly a violin wafted through the silence, and Rebel had air in lungs again.

               Now that her fears were at bay, Rebel continued to explore the Mansion.  There was a room with a giant marble dome, the walls of which were littered with brightly colored paintings, seemingly from many different ages.  Intrigued by the beauty, Rebel moved forward, and the sound of the violin started playing just as she was about to touch one of the paintings.  Drawn to its eerie sound, Rebel continued to walk through the corridor leading away from the domed room, her ballet flats making a faint tapping sound on the mahogany floor.  Turning down a new hallway, she looked into every room she passed, each becoming more magnificent.  At the end of the hallway stood two sturdy doors.  Upon opening the doors, Rebel found herself surrounded by books of every shape and size, coating every shelf, table and empty space in the room.  Rebel had never seen so many books.  Suddenly the violin stopped.  Butterflies in Rebel’s stomach seemed to have taken flight to the back of her throat, and she let out a small cough of exasperation.  A shadow slowly crept towards her!  It was a small man with a long white beard, and he identified himself as the caretaker of the Linden’s Library.  Everything about him appeared to be ancient except the young quality of his light blue eyes.  .  Rebel peered into them though she could find no deeper understanding.  His eyes were like the ocean during a storm, their mysteries hidden beneath a stormy façade.  The man didn’t smile, his face remained solemn and still, but his eyes seemed to smile out at her. 

After what seemed like an eternity, he questioned

“And who might you be?” 

“My name is Rebel”… she replied

When he did not offer any new information, Rebel continued by saying

“I live down the street.  I’m sorry for…” 

Her pleas were interrupted.

“What do you want miss?”

“I’m sorry sir, I just wanted to know the truth about this house”

“Young lady, there is a reason why I haven’t left this house for over 40 years.  My life is dangerous to anyone who knows its secrets.” 

The man shut is eyes briefly, and took a deep breath that sounded more like a sigh.  Rebel broke the silence.

“Sir, I need to know”.

“If you must know so badly then… here” the man replied with a smile.

He threw her a tiny red diary and it landed in front of her feet with a thud. 

               “I must warn you, if you read that diary, bad things will happen to you.  Your life may be threatened, and might come to an end as you know it!”

This intrigued Rebel, though she showed no sign on her face of how badly she wanted to read the diary.  When the old man turned and walked away, she slowly bent down and picked up the diary.  He spoke again…

               “Little girl, I must warn you once more that this curiosity will be the end of you.  I do not wish to see you get hurt, but if you do not heed my warning, I fear I shall find you a very grave person on the morrow.” 

Rebel pretended not to hear him as she ran out of the mansion with the book.  The mansion was creepy, but how could anything hurt her if she was safe at her grandfather’s cottage? 

               Rebel didn’t speak to her grandfather when she arrived home, but ran straight up stairs to read the book in her room.  She opened the cover of the book and inscribed in tiny calligraphy was the phrase “it’s already too late.”

She pretended not to be creped out, though she closed the book rapidly and decided she would revisit it later.  Afraid to close her eyes, Rebel walked downstairs to the kitchen to make herself feel better with a midnight snack.  She looked out the kitchen window and had the feeling that she was not alone.  And right she was! Outside the window sat three men, all dressed in black, their faces covered. The only visible body parts were their young, blue eyes that gazed into the kitchen, watching rebel’s every move.

               Rebel’s night eventually ended and the sun rose over the hill in the distance. The sense of daytime brought peace to rebel, and gave her the confidence to return to the house of Mr. Linden and ask him all of the questions she had been asking herself in the late hours of the night. However, when she got there, there was no violin playing. In fact there wasn’t a sound at all. The house was as quiet as ever. Rebel walked up to the door and pushed, but the heavy, glass doors did not budge. Giving up on her inquiries, Rebel reversed to return to her house when she noticed three men walking toward her. Completely covered in black, they marched with military stature, completely uniform to each other.  Rebel’s heart began to beat rapidly in her chest, as the men seemed to lunge at her.  One yanked her hands behind her back, and the other pulled a bag over her head while one tied her feet.  After being forced into a box of some sort Rebel stopped fighting against them, and completely succumbed to their power, completely vulnerable and alone

She watched her capturers every move, as one of the men reached down into a tiny knapsack holding a small vile of liquid. The fluid inside the capsule was red like freshly drawn blood. The man pressed a needle into the capsule and knelt down my Rebel’s head. As he punctured the needle into the side of her neck, he began to whisper. As he spoke, Rebel thought his voice was peculiarly familiar.

               “You were warned, and you did not obey. Now your soul belongs to me. Life as you know it has changed forever”

As he spoke, the man squeezed the deep red liquid into her body. The other two men watched eagerly as blood began to seep down her neck and pool onto the sidewalk. Rebel’s eyelids were all of a sudden heavy, as if cinderblocks had been placed on top of them, forcing them shut. The old man’s peculiar voice sent chills through her body as he breathed a final statement.

“Good Bye Rebel”

As he spoke those words, Rebel’s body had completely reacted to the drugs and she became nonresponsive and motionless, draped across the sidewalk on quiet Brighton Street.

Time ticked on and Rebel would never again be a part of the world she has been accustomed to.  After she had dozed off, the men scooped her up and dragged her inside the infamous mansion. The drugs eventually wore off and Rebel awoke, once again lying on the chilling marble floor of Mr. Linden’s library. However, the library was not the same as she had once left it. Instead of millions of books surrounding her, rebel was being watched by millions of pairs of young, blue eyes staring at her from the shelves.

The sound of the eerie violin hummed in the background as the library doors were suddenly whisked open and the three masked men marched toward her. The third man turned and was immediately absorbed by the book shelves and became another pair of eyes staring at her.  The other two men continued to walk towards her until they came to an abrupt halt inches from where her body laid. One man began to speak.

“You are no longer apart of the real world. This is the price you pay for disobedience.”

Rebel immediately recognized the voice as Mr. Linden’s.

“Every book in this library was once blank. Today, every last one is inscribed with a story, each ending the same way. Your little red diary was the last empty book.”

With that, Mr. Linden turned and walked away. The red diary sat in her lap and invited Rebel to read its contents. The sole remaining man stood before her, silently watching as she picked up the book and started to read. Page after page, rebel read the story of her life inscribed onto the pages. A rush of memories flooded her mind and she had become a giant mess of emotions by the time she reached the last page. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she read,

“Rebel opened the book and saw the words ‘it is already too late’ “

This time, it really was too late. Following the last phrase were the words,

“THE END”

A sudden realization overcame Rebel as she recognized that his life ended the second she opened that book. She shuts the book and looks up at the lone man watching her. Her eyes begged him for some sort of reconciliation, but there would be none. The man looked down at Rebel and spoke with such an evil tone that her blood curled.

“Silly, naïve, little girl. You were just like your mother. You succumbed to my power. You sat on my knee and let me fill your head with fascinating stories about a haunted mansion. You fell right into my trap. Now I hold your soul forever, trapped inside this house, engraved onto the pages of that book.”

With a chuckle, the man removed his mask. Nigel Lawrence stood before his granddaughter and delighted in her shock and disappointment. He chuckle grew into a cackle as he pivoted on his heels and pranced out the door. Rebel’s body started to vanish as she was absorbed by the library. Forever, Rebel would rest there, on the marble floor, where she had first found that little diary. Forever, Rebel would lie in Mr. Linden’s library, trapped in the mansion that sits at the end of Brighton Street.





Sunday, October 20, 2013

Contact Me!

Hey Readers,
     I would love to converse with you all about any of the topics I write about, or any topics that you are interested in. If you have questions, comments, or you just want to talk about life, don't hesitate to email me at msandwithcrader@gmail.com! I hope to hear from you all soon!
Talk to you soon,
Madi

Political Courage- Governor Chris Christie

With the recent government  shutdown, I started thinking about politicians that act on how they feel verses how their party wants them to act. I am very interested in politics and I find politicians  who practice courage in their line of work to be very admirable. When I think about politicians who have shown courage in their line of work, Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie comes to mind. There are countless times throughout his political career Christie has demonstrated courage, starting with his election process. New Jersey is a fairly liberal state and Christie is a conservative politician. However, despite the adversity he encounters as he ran for governor, he pushed through and was eventually elected. One admirable quality about Christie is that he does what he thinks is right for his state and he will fight for it until it becomes a reality. Even if it means separating from his political party, Christie is willing to face whatever repercussions for his actions coming from his political party or other people because he has demonstrated through us work that what he thinks to be right for the majority of his state will always come first and he will put it political career on the line for it.  This started with his ideal of conversion politics when he first became governor. At the start, his conservative ideals were not welcomed by the liberal state, but he persevered, and implemented economic programs that stimulated New Jersey’s economy. Then, when hurricane sandy hit, Christie was prepared and ready to be there for his state. Where his political party did not appreciate the accolades that Christie gave Obama in order to get aid for the people who had lost their homes, Christie did so any way. He went against his party wishes in order to do what is right. In a political system where political parties are at odds and bind politicians to certain beliefs, however, Christie is not afraid to break those binds to do what is right, even if it means putting his political career on the line. Another example of this is the fact that Christie recently passed the law that allowed gay marriage in New Jersey. Where gay marriage is not a republican ideal, Christie decided that it would be the right thing for his state and decided to pass the law. While republicans may not appreciate it, Christie made the decisions out of what he felt was right and he doesn’t mind facing repercussions from is colleagues. Christie is a role model for courage because he does what is right and deals with the response from people who don’t agree with him. However, his actions speak for themselves because they always seem to work out and benefit New Jersey. Christie pushes the limits of politics and the binds of a political party. To Christie, New Jersey is his political party that shapes his decisions in office. 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Hiking the Camino



               Hiking the Camino was a book that seriously made me change the way I looked at my faith, life, and attitude in general. Looking back on my life I realize that I have had to deal with a lot of pain and difficulty. I never really thought much of it until I went to my sophomore retreat and I really met God for the first time. After that point I thought that God would make me feel painless all the time. Shortly after the retreat I came to the harsh reality that faith and a relationship with God was not all cookies and rainbows. I didn’t understand why all of the love I felt at retreats couldn’t stay with me as a ventured out into my daily struggles. I often found myself to be angry at God and I resented him for allowing these things to happen in my life.  I would pray and ask God for them to go away, but they never did.

So, I opened the book and I started reading. Honestly, I thought it was going to be pointless and just about another priest’s perfect relationship with God. I was mistaken. After Father Dave cracked a couple jokes and made me feel comfortable and engaged in his story, he would pull on my heart strings and make me reevaluate my attitude. As I was reading I felt like I could hear God yelling at me to stop thinking that following him was easy. As I read the book, I realized that if following Jesus was easy, everyone would do it. When I have those moments of peace when I am on retreats, it is god reassuring me that he is with me during those times of pain that I must return to. Instead of asking god to stop the pain, I need to ask god to walk with me. Jesus didn’t want to endure his suffering on the cross, but he did it anyway out of love for me. I need to endure my suffering and do it for Jesus. I can further grow in my relationship with God by uniting my suffering to his on the cross. I loved how Father Dave kept reiterating “All this for the King”. Our life is hard and we go through it in order to be with god in heaven at the end of it all.

Another major lesson I learned from hiking the Camino was that God has a specific path for you. Everyone that he puts on that path is there for a reason and god intends for you to learn something from that person. As I was reading, I thought about the people that God put in my life to teach me lessons. I started to laugh because it hit me that God has this huge master plan that he is carrying out and when I look back on the lessons I have learned, I can see that I learned them due to different experiences I had with people. I am excited to see what I will learn and how I will grow in my relationship with God when I relate to the people God puts in my path.

As I move forward after reading this book, it is time for me to make some changes in my life. To start I need to put God first. I don’t get to choose my cross or my path. It is all up to god. I need to put God first and trust in his will. I need to pray more and I need to change my prayer. Instead of asking God to change the things I cannot change, I need to ask god to change my attitude and how I handle situations. I remember at the campus ministry retreat when I was the last one left in the maze. I don’t need to go this walk alone and there is no shame in asking god to help along this road. God can be my anchor when everything else seems to be going wrong. God can be my friend when I feel alone. God can be my guide through college and the crazy teenage experiences. In the end all I have to do is ask for his help and wisdom and he will help me through. Now that is not saying that everything will be easy. Following god is one of the hardest paths to follow, but the outcome is the best thing in the universe. Now when I ask God for help, I can’t just take it and forget about him until I need help again. A relationship with God needs work every single day. I need to work with him and thank him for all that he does for me and thank him for my suffering because in the end it brings me closer to him. What I didn’t realize before this book was that suffering is a blessing and I just need to be willing to except and thank God for these blessings.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

George Zimmerman

I wanted to take a moment to change things around a bit. Recently I have gotten very interested in the HLN court cases. one of these cases included the George Zimmerman case. If you do not know, George Zimmerman was the security watch man who stalked a seventeen year old African American boy who was walking  around the neighborhood. This boy was named Trayvon Martin. At the time he was walking home from a 7-11 with a bag of skittles. George Zimmerman followed this poor boy and eventually got out of his car, attacked him and killed him. If Zimmerman had never gotten out of his car, Trayvon would still be alive. It is quite obvious that Zimmerman only stalked Trayvon because he was African American. unfortunately, Zimmerman was found not guilty due to self defense. personally I think this is absurd. it is quite obvious that Zimmerman is guilty. due to the evidence that I have examined on this case, I feel that George Zimmerman was wrongly acquitted, justice was not served, and George Zimmerman should be in jail.

This I believe

Just something to think about. What do you believe in? This is what I believe.


Danger is around every corner. What would the point life be if we didn’t put ourselves out there? What if we didn’t take risks in order to make ourselves happy?  I take giant leaps of faith every day when I climb on the backs of my beloved horses. Every time I climb on board of this magnificent animal, I do so knowing that they too have minds of their own and that they can choose to do whatever they wish despite the fact that I am on their back, and yet they don’t.  So, I believe in an unspoken connection between the horse and its rider. The horse trusts me and I trust the horse. When we are together we become one body. It’s almost as if we make a pact. When I put my foot in that stirrup, I promise the horse that I won’t put them in danger. In return, they promise me that they will protect me even if I make a mistake.

 It is for this reason that I also believe that every rider needs to have a connection and a relationship with their horse. My horses are my other half. It goes beyond a feeling of companionship. I stare into my horse’s eyes and I can see the love that we have for each other. I believe in a language that is unique to each couple. Only the horse and rider will ever be able to understand this unique language. It is through this language that I communicate with my horse and our bond grows every time we encounter each other’s gaze.

This unspoken connection is the most important thing in my life. It is what keeps me sane when everything else in my life going wrong. All it takes is one look into those big brown eyes and I instantly feel better. I believe that a horse can make any sad moment special. In each of these curing moments, our connection grows even stronger despite all odds.

What does this all mean? In the end I don’t understand why I share such a strong love for these stunning animals. Ever since I was a young girl, I have had a natural inclination towards these amazing creatures. It is a natural fire that will always burn inside of me. I will always do anything for my horses because a certain, unique love emerges between two souls when they trust each other with their lives every day. I know that my horses will always protect me and I know that my horses understand that I will do anything for them. Even when I am not riding, my horses and I share an unspoken connection that is unexplainable to the outside world. I think that such a connection is special and is the most important thing in the world. I think people should search the world for that one thing that means the world to them, but they can’t explain to anyone else. It is funny because when I try to explain to people who do not understand my sport, how much I love horses and how they make my life whole, they always look at me with a perplexed gaze. In the end I don’t feel the need to explain to these people why I love these animals because the only thing that matters is how I feel about my love.

In the book of Corinthians, the bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind”.  Throughout the world, the entire human race is on the hunt for love like a bumblebee looking for a flower to land on. We are constantly on the search for something that will fuel their entire life. I am lucky enough to have found that something. I feel like the connection I have with my horses embodies this quote from the bible. There is patience when we work through struggles together. Patience when we practice together in order to achieve that harmony between horse and rider. Our love is kind because I could never say anything negative about a horse. Equitation is the phrase that defines a person riding a horse. The term comes from the Spanish word equitación, which means harmony between horse and rider. I am constantly striving for this harmony. I feel like this harmony is representative of the constant strive for harmony between people. Sometimes we fall off. Sometimes we have the perfect round. The struggles that occur through the ups and downs of life are the reason why we build relationships. So, I do not only believe in horses and their connection with the rider, but I believe in love.

The Cold Nights of Winer

Here is a little short story I wrote. I hope you enjoy.


The Cold Nights of Winter

               I gaze around the courtroom in a state of confusion. I am partly angry at myself for putting myself in this position. On the other hand I blame Jacob, but I have to be responsible for my own choices.  Everything around me is intimidating. The judge is starting at me with piercing eyes full of contempt. Her ugly, wrinkled hand stretches out from underneath her dark flowing robe, reading to lay down the gauntlet with my conviction. The jury probably hates me because they probably have better things to do than sit here and listen to me plead insanity. The Jury is made up of men and women alike, dressed in normal everyday clothes, eagerly waiting that moment that they can be set free while I am placed in custody. Everything else is empty; empty walls, empty chairs, and empty tables. Today is my final day in court. Today is the day I will be told my fate. The funny thing is the night it all happened is a total blur. Everything I know about the actual event was explained to me by my boyfriend Jacob. Jacob is intoxicating with is long dark hair and piercing blue eyes that are softly hidden underneath is silky hair. I have been dating Jacob for almost two years and up until now, it has been complete bliss. He always treated me right and he took care of me when I left home at 17. I have been living with him in our small apartment above 5th street in Brooklyn since then. I left my wealthy family for many reasons. To start with they wanted me to become someone that I am not. I wasn’t the daughter they wanted me to be. They wanted me to go to NYU to study economics. From there the plan was to get a job working on Wall Street. Little did they know, due to the fact that my opinions didn’t matter to them that I planned on going to art school? On the night of my seventeenth birthday, I told them about my plans. My father stared at me with a grim face before stomping up the stairs making giant thuds with each step. My mother on the other hand went ballistic. After the yelling and screaming ceased, I called Jacob, packed a bag, and I haven’t spoken to my parents since.

I am 25 now and I never believed I would be in this position, alone, sitting in a court room awaiting the fate that would change my life forever. I remember the night of the incident clear as day; it seemed so full of promise. I was having a lot of anxiety paying off my student loans from art school and it seemed as if my entire world was crashing down on me. Jacob thought he could help. So that night I met him after work at a little bar on the corner of the bad part of town. The air, the walls, the streets, all appeared dark and sketchy. There was trash blanketing the ground and the air permeated of sewer. I tentatively walked into the bar. I had never been to this side of town, nor did I think that Jacob would ever be in this place. Despite all odds, I walked into the bar and took a seat next to an ugly biker that looked like a rock star that hadn’t had a shower in months. He had piercings and tattoos all over his body and he reeked of booze.  I sat uncomfortably next to him until Jacob emerged in the doorway. He strode over to me with his biceps pulsing with every step. To this day, he still makes my heart race. He grabs my waist with strong impulsion and kisses me hard. My lips felt like they were on fire. I remember thinking that he was the only person in the world that could understand me and yet he got me into the biggest pickle that I will never fully be able to get myself out of. Sitting next to him, drowning my sorrows at the bar, he reveals to me a couple of tiny red and black pills. They were large, appeared to be too large for human consumption. But I was desperate. Jacob claimed the pills were supposed to help me relax, but they did no such thing. I take the pills and swallow them with a huge gulp from my absolute martini. I can still remember the sour taste of the pills mixed with the horrid olive flavor from the martini searing my throat as they slid down into my stomach. I remember seeing a light emerge out of thin air. From that point on, I remember nothing. Apparently I had gotten in my car to drive home, ran a red light, and killed a homeless person crossing the street. Apparently the scene was horrific. Thanks to Jacob, I remember nothing.

So here I sit in silence. Suddenly I hear, “all rise for the judge”. I stand. She peers down at me and I look up at her with begging eyes. After what seems like a decade, the judge speaks. “Due to the fact that the defendant was unaware of the substance she was taking, and it resulted in temporary insanity, I hereby sentence the defendant to ten years in a state rehab institution.” I am at a loss for emotions. I feel empty. I peer over at the prosecution. They wanted me to get life in prison. My own attorneys are celebrating. I however realize that I can’t breathe. I am gasping for air. I must sound awful like a cat’s evil hiss. The realization those two seconds of taking a pill is going to cost me ten years of my life in a lock down rehab facility.

 The guards march towards me and snap the handcuffs on my wrists with such force that I am sure that it will leave a mark tomorrow morning. They push me outside the court doors and into a white van. Inside the van, they lock me in a cage like a rabid animal. I sit in silence unsure of what to think. I start drifting off into my own world of thoughts.  The van comes to a halt. German shepherds surround the van. I am jerked out of the cage and through the front doors where I see a woman standing before me. She is tall, too tall. She reminds of school librarian that you feared when you were a child. She wore a long white coat and had nails about two inches long coated in blood red nail polish. The men uncuffed me as the German shepherds sniffed around my general vicinity for drugs. When I was cleared as clean, the woman grips my shoulders and walks me towards a white room with two metal chairs inside. It was here that I first met Meredith. I sit down in the cool metal chair and watch as the door softly opens. A tiny blonde girl with soft curls bounces into the room. I am confused. What on earth would the twenty year old version of Shirley temple is doing in a drug facility? She reaches out her hand to shake mine. “Meredith” she proclaims softly “and you?” I clear my throat with a loud gurgle. “Winter”. “Wow. Such a mystic name. Does it stand for something?” “My parents always told me I was called winter because I emulate the worst season of the year.” Meredith doesn’t flinch. She replies with a soft giggle before continuing. “I am your roommate. I have been here for 4 years. I was sent here when I was 16 for possession and dealing of marijuana. Today I am completely sober and granted with the freedom to spend the rest of my 5 year sentence mentoring the newbies like you.” Again, I don’t know what to say so I awkwardly reply, “ok, what next?” we stand and go to our room.  More white.  I am getting sick of all this white. Luckily for me, it is almost the night.

When we get to our room Meredith and I talk for a while. She tells me her story. She was always a good girl until the stock market crash which left her family dry. She met a guy her freshman year of high school that gave her her first joint and after a couple months she was dealing the stuff for money. Lots of it. In February of that same year she tried to deal to an undercover cop and was arrested and stuffed in here. After years of counseling she became sober and certified to help others for her final year in the institution. I go on to tell her my story. At the end she seems unappeased and adds, “Men are pigs eh?” that was shocking to me. We talk for hours after lights out about Jacob and my parents. I know I have only known her for a few short hours, but she has helped me make sense of it all. After talking to her all I want to do is see Jacob and tell him that I don’t blame him anymore.

I wait until 3 am to carry out my plan. Luckily, prior to the court deliberation today, Jacob came to visit me in my holding cell. It was there that we planned my escape tonight. There is a window in my room, locked of course. I peer around the room and I notice Meredith’s certified member badge. As she walked me to our room earlier in the day, she used that card to enter any room. I swipe the card and slide outside the room. I walk up to the guard on our floor and show the card. He looks suspicious, but waves me through. I stride towards the big red light that says staff door. Another guard waits. I get ready to show the card even though I don’t think it will work because Meredith is technically a patient here. As I approach, I realize that the guard is dreaming in his chair accompanied by a soft snore. I creep past him and out the door. I am out. I didn’t think it would be that easy, but I did it.

 I start to walk towards the park where I said I would meet Jacob. As I approach I see him sitting there so proud and tall. He looks like he just won the lottery. His smug, pretentious expression worries me. As I get closer his eyes are beet red. “Jacob”, I say softly. He lurches towards me unable to control himself. “Winter, my girl” he slurs. His grubby hands are all over me. I am feeling violated so I push him off of me. bad plan. He starts to yell. “ Winter, who do you think you are? You are not allowed to just touch me like that.” His hand swings towards me and  slaps me clear across the face. The area where he hit me is cold and tingly. It begins to burn like my skin is on fire. That is when I realize that I am on the ground. He is still hitting me. I don’t understand what is happening. I see a light and I start to fade into it. I think to myself, “I wonder if this is dying feels like”. 

I wake next to Meredith and the creepy tall lady in a hospital bed in downtown New York City.  I don’t know how they found me or what my punishment will be, but the doctor tells me that I am lucky to be alive. I have just undergone emergency surgery in attempt to fix the internal organ damage caused by Jacobs beating, I look in a mirror. I don’t know who I am looking at, but the girl with scars, her hair shaved off, and a face that resembles a bowl of black and purple plums certainly does not look like me. The doctor continues to say, “Obviously, you will need cosmetic surgery to fix your appearance. We can attempt to make you look as normal as possible.” Great. Ten years in a facility and I might never look normal again. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to the day I packed my bags. I wonder if things would be different. I hear Meredith gasp. I follow her eyesight to the door where Jacob stands looking as if he has been through a hurricane. He doesn’t say a word. He takes one look at me and breaks down into a puddle on the floor. His tears practically drowning my emergency care room. I can barely hear him mutter the words “I’m so sorry” on repeat for about 20 minutes.  Despite my conscience telling me not to, my heart forgives him on the spot. I love this man. I don’t care what he does to me.

Jacob stays with me for the next couple weeks in the hospital. After, I am released back to the facility, but post my rendezvous in the night; I am now sentenced to 20 years here, not ten.   I disregard that completely. Again, after Meredith falls asleep, I take her card and leave.  I meet Jacob just outside the rehab facility. Hand in hand we walk away towards the moonlight.

If you have any questions for me regarding the story... don't hesitate to email me at msandwithcrader@gmail.com I hope you enjoyed it.
              

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Unspoken Connections


Unspoken Connections

There are certain moments in ones life

When nature and expirences unite

Emotions and actions work as one

In order to overcome ones strife

 

Sometimes people live for those times

When nature transforms their life

 For me, that time is When I am flying through the air

On horseback, with wind going through my hair like chimes

 

Animals, humans and nature all become one

I stare into my horse’s eyes And we have an unspoken connection

It is that connection that unites the two different worlds

And we know that we cant be outdone

 

in the end, nature is the center of my life

 Because I live every second of every day for my horses

In my mind they are the greates creatures nature has to offer

Our connection demonstrates the union of life and nature that releives all strife.

 

 


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Ballad of the Dream Horse

THE BALLAD OF THE DREAM HORSE




EUROPEAN BLEND, THE DREAM HORSE
HER COAT WAS DARK LIKE WINE
HER EYES DEEPER THAN MIDNIGHT SKY
THIS HORSE; THIS LOVE OF MINE

WE GALLOP OVER JUMPS WITH EASE
GRACEFULLY FLYING
WE COMPETE IN ORDER TO WIN
WE ARE ALWAYS TRYING

THE DREAM HORSE AND I HIT THE ROAD
OFF TO THE SHOW WE GO
MINDS FOCUSED; SPOTLIGHT ON
THIS IS OUR HORSE SHOW

WE HAVE OUR MINDS SET TO WIN
WE STEP INTO THE RING
EACH JUMP IS DONE SO PERFECTLY
THE ROUND MADE ANGELS SING

EUROPEAN BLEND THE DREAM HORSE
HER I CANNOT REPLACE
THE ANNOUNCER CALLS OUR OUR NAMES
MY DREAM HORSE WINS FIRST PLACE
 

An Ode to Lili

Lili is my current competing show horse. Her show name is European Blend. I wrote two poems for her. This one is titled Ode to Lili.


An Ode to Lili

Lili you are so graceful and strong

I remember the day i first met you

It was like nothing could go wrong

And there was nothing we couldn’t do.

 

Your unique beauty is astounding and vast

your silky coat that looks darker than night

It is a beauty that is rare and will always last

No matter what happens you beauty will always shine bright.

 

When we work together our hearts beat as one

We float majestically around the jumps with ease

We capture the attention of all until we are done.

At the end of it all it is a blue ribbon we will seize

 

Lili my amazing love

I couldn’t ask for a better horse, partner, and friend

Our connection is rare and can only be from above

My girl, on you, my heart will forever depend.

 



Picture This

I wrote this about my first horse. Her name was Picture This. Recently she tore a ligament in her foot which made her have to have surgey. Currently she is staying at the Equine hospital about two hours away from where I live. I try to visit her as much as possible, but i just want her to be home and healthy again. I love her and miss her. I wrote this for her because she will always have a special place in my heart.
 
 
Picture This

Everyone has a destiny

But not everyone chooses to follow it.

Seventeen years prior, two beings were put on this earth

To share and grow in one destiny together.

 

Fate waited patiently for these two to meet

It was not until age fourteen that they made this encounter

The two fell in love at once

It was a match made in heaven, written in the stars

 

My darkest days were brightened by one soul

Our love communicated in our own special language

It was a language only our hearts could understand

Because at the brink of disaster she was there to hold my hand

 

We were competitive, daring, and courageous

We would forget about common sense in order to achieve greatness

My eyes were forward and my hands were gripping her mane

As she flew through the air determined and strong

 

Her beauty is blinding and her strength could move the mountains

However it is her heart that makes the greatest impact

I will never feel a love so strong

Because she became piece of my heart for all eternity

 

Destiny is a curious thing

I know now that I was born to be on the back of this magnificent creature

We were a match made in heaven; written in the stars

Picture This and I, living out one destiny, together.