Sometimes, life can throw you a curveball
You don't even recognize the person you have become
Do not let yourself fall
You have to remember where you come from
Step away from the chaos and the stress
Put on your breeches and boots
Take time to appreciate less
Look back in time and remember your roots
Even though people may fail you
God never gives up on us
Put your trust into something true
Follow God through all your distress
Never give up on life
Always keep progressing
Rejoice in your strife
Because life is a blessing
The life and thoughts of an college student from Southern California, attending school in Kentucky, and trying to make it in the world of Equestrian Show Jumping
Friday, November 15, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Mr. Linden's Library
Harris Burdick was a man who walked into a publishing company with multiple intriguing photographs. Each of these photographs came with a story, but Harris Burdick never returned with the stories after he left his images at the publishing company. Famous authors throughout history have written their own stories to go with each of these pictures. these images were very interesting to me, so I wrote a short story to go with my favorite picture. The title of this image is Mr. Linden's library. I hope you enjoy.
Mr. Linden’s Library
At the end of the cul-de-sac on Brighton Street, sat an
enormous Victorian mansion. However this
wasn’t just any mansion; stories and myths have swirled around it for decades,
and for god reason. The windows were
always shut with thick, black curtains, draped over them. Dense, viridian vines climbed up the walls of
the house. Cobwebs and spiders entangled
themselves in the small dark corners of the window sill. The two large French doors never opened and
no one ever came out of the house. I fact, the house had been still for nearly
40 years.
Rumor
has it, a man named Porter Linden lived in that house. Supposedly he moved there after he returned
from deployment during World War II.
Suffering from a severe case of PTSD, Mr. Linden moved far away from his
friends and family, entered the Victorian mansion, shut the curtains, and was
never seen or heard from again.
Only one
person remembered seeing Porter Linden move in that fateful day in November;
Mr. Nigel Lawrence, and he had a reputation as a good man. The entire town looked up to him, however he
always seemed as if he was hiding something.
He would sit in his big plush chair resting by the fireplace mantel in
his quaint little cottage. Three doors
down from the Linden mansion, was the home of Laurence’s granddaughter. Rebel was her name, and she lived up to her
reputation.
On
November 13th, the anniversary of Mr. Linden’s departure from the
neighborhood 40 years prior, little Rebel Lawrence sat on her granddad’s lap, and fantasized about the mysteries and wonder
that awaited the person who dared enter the house. She had been warned never to go there, but
one day curiosity got the best of her and she slipped out of house after her
grandfather went to sleep, and was careful not to let the gate creek on the way
out of the yard. She ran down the
sidewalk, her blond ringlets bobbing up and down on her shoulders, and her
stubby little legs making stride across the pavement. After passing endless houses for what seemed
like the greater part of an hour, Rebel stood silent at the precipice of the
mansion that had tempted her curiosity so many times before.
Silence
engulfed her as she opened the front door.
Sound itself seemed to drown out upon her entrance into the foyer, and
it felt as if she wouldn’t be able to breath.
Panicking Rebel thought about running back out into the street, when
suddenly a violin wafted through the silence, and Rebel had air in lungs again.
Now that
her fears were at bay, Rebel continued to explore the Mansion. There was a room with a giant marble dome,
the walls of which were littered with brightly colored paintings, seemingly
from many different ages. Intrigued by
the beauty, Rebel moved forward, and the sound of the violin started playing
just as she was about to touch one of the paintings. Drawn to its eerie sound, Rebel continued to
walk through the corridor leading away from the domed room, her ballet flats
making a faint tapping sound on the mahogany floor. Turning down a new hallway, she looked into
every room she passed, each becoming more magnificent. At the end of the hallway stood two sturdy
doors. Upon opening the doors, Rebel
found herself surrounded by books of every shape and size, coating every shelf,
table and empty space in the room. Rebel
had never seen so many books. Suddenly
the violin stopped. Butterflies in
Rebel’s stomach seemed to have taken flight to the back of her throat, and she let
out a small cough of exasperation. A
shadow slowly crept towards her! It was
a small man with a long white beard, and he identified himself as the caretaker
of the Linden’s Library. Everything
about him appeared to be ancient except the young quality of his light blue
eyes. .
Rebel peered into them though she could find no deeper
understanding. His eyes were like the
ocean during a storm, their mysteries hidden beneath a stormy façade. The man didn’t smile, his face remained
solemn and still, but his eyes seemed to smile out at her.
After what seemed like an eternity, he questioned
“And who might you be?”
“My name is Rebel”… she replied
When he did not offer any new information, Rebel continued
by saying
“I live down the street. I’m sorry for…”
Her pleas were interrupted.
“What do you want miss?”
“I’m sorry sir, I just wanted to
know the truth about this house”
“Young lady, there is a reason why
I haven’t left this house for over 40 years.
My life is dangerous to anyone who knows its secrets.”
The man shut is eyes briefly, and took a deep breath that
sounded more like a sigh. Rebel broke
the silence.
“Sir, I need to know”.
“If you must know so badly then…
here” the man replied with a smile.
He threw her a tiny red diary and it landed in front of her
feet with a thud.
“I must
warn you, if you read that diary, bad things will happen to you. Your life may be threatened, and might come
to an end as you know it!”
This intrigued Rebel, though she showed no sign on her face
of how badly she wanted to read the diary.
When the old man turned and walked away, she slowly bent down and picked
up the diary. He spoke again…
“Little
girl, I must warn you once more that this curiosity will be the end of
you. I do not wish to see you get hurt,
but if you do not heed my warning, I fear I shall find you a very grave person on
the morrow.”
Rebel pretended not to hear him as she ran out of the
mansion with the book. The mansion was
creepy, but how could anything hurt her if she was safe at her grandfather’s
cottage?
Rebel
didn’t speak to her grandfather when she arrived home, but ran straight up
stairs to read the book in her room. She
opened the cover of the book and inscribed in tiny calligraphy was the phrase
“it’s already too late.”
She pretended not to be creped out, though she closed the
book rapidly and decided she would revisit it later. Afraid to close her eyes, Rebel walked
downstairs to the kitchen to make herself feel better with a midnight
snack. She looked out the kitchen window
and had the feeling that she was not alone.
And right she was! Outside the window sat three men, all dressed in black,
their faces covered. The only visible body parts were their young, blue eyes
that gazed into the kitchen, watching rebel’s every move.
Rebel’s night
eventually ended and the sun rose over the hill in the distance. The sense of
daytime brought peace to rebel, and gave her the confidence to return to the
house of Mr. Linden and ask him all of the questions she had been asking herself
in the late hours of the night. However, when she got there, there was no
violin playing. In fact there wasn’t a sound at all. The house was as quiet as
ever. Rebel walked up to the door and pushed, but the heavy, glass doors did
not budge. Giving up on her inquiries, Rebel reversed to return to her house
when she noticed three men walking toward her. Completely covered in black,
they marched with military stature, completely uniform to each other. Rebel’s heart began to beat rapidly in her
chest, as the men seemed to lunge at her.
One yanked her hands behind her back, and the other pulled a bag over
her head while one tied her feet. After
being forced into a box of some sort Rebel stopped fighting against them, and
completely succumbed to their power, completely vulnerable and alone
She watched her capturers every
move, as one of the men reached down into a tiny knapsack holding a small vile
of liquid. The fluid inside the capsule was red like freshly drawn blood. The
man pressed a needle into the capsule and knelt down my Rebel’s head. As he
punctured the needle into the side of her neck, he began to whisper. As he
spoke, Rebel thought his voice was peculiarly familiar.
“You
were warned, and you did not obey. Now your soul belongs to me. Life as you
know it has changed forever”
As he spoke, the man squeezed the deep
red liquid into her body. The other two men watched eagerly as blood began to
seep down her neck and pool onto the sidewalk. Rebel’s eyelids were all of a
sudden heavy, as if cinderblocks had been placed on top of them, forcing them
shut. The old man’s peculiar voice sent chills through her body as he breathed
a final statement.
“Good Bye Rebel”
As he spoke those words, Rebel’s
body had completely reacted to the drugs and she became nonresponsive and
motionless, draped across the sidewalk on quiet Brighton Street.
Time ticked on and Rebel would
never again be a part of the world she has been accustomed to. After she had dozed off, the men scooped her
up and dragged her inside the infamous mansion. The drugs eventually wore off
and Rebel awoke, once again lying on the chilling marble floor of Mr. Linden’s
library. However, the library was not the same as she had once left it. Instead
of millions of books surrounding her, rebel was being watched by millions of
pairs of young, blue eyes staring at her from the shelves.
The sound of the eerie violin
hummed in the background as the library doors were suddenly whisked open and
the three masked men marched toward her. The third man turned and was immediately
absorbed by the book shelves and became another pair of eyes staring at her. The other two men continued to walk towards
her until they came to an abrupt halt inches from where her body laid. One man
began to speak.
“You are no longer apart of the
real world. This is the price you pay for disobedience.”
Rebel immediately recognized the
voice as Mr. Linden’s.
“Every book in this library was
once blank. Today, every last one is inscribed with a story, each ending the
same way. Your little red diary was the last empty book.”
With that, Mr. Linden turned and
walked away. The red diary sat in her lap and invited Rebel to read its
contents. The sole remaining man stood before her, silently watching as she
picked up the book and started to read. Page after page, rebel read the story
of her life inscribed onto the pages. A rush of memories flooded her mind and
she had become a giant mess of emotions by the time she reached the last page. Tears
rolled down her cheeks as she read,
“Rebel opened the book and saw the
words ‘it is already too late’ “
This time, it really was too late. Following
the last phrase were the words,
“THE END”
A sudden realization overcame Rebel
as she recognized that his life ended the second she opened that book. She
shuts the book and looks up at the lone man watching her. Her eyes begged him
for some sort of reconciliation, but there would be none. The man looked down
at Rebel and spoke with such an evil tone that her blood curled.
“Silly, naïve, little girl. You were
just like your mother. You succumbed to my power. You sat on my knee and let me
fill your head with fascinating stories about a haunted mansion. You fell right
into my trap. Now I hold your soul forever, trapped inside this house, engraved
onto the pages of that book.”
With a chuckle, the man removed his
mask. Nigel Lawrence stood before his granddaughter and delighted in her shock
and disappointment. He chuckle grew into a cackle as he pivoted on his heels
and pranced out the door. Rebel’s body started to vanish as she was absorbed by
the library. Forever, Rebel would rest there, on the marble floor, where she
had first found that little diary. Forever, Rebel would lie in Mr. Linden’s
library, trapped in the mansion that sits at the end of Brighton Street.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Contact Me!
Hey Readers,
I would love to converse with you all about any of the topics I write about, or any topics that you are interested in. If you have questions, comments, or you just want to talk about life, don't hesitate to email me at msandwithcrader@gmail.com! I hope to hear from you all soon!
Talk to you soon,
Madi
I would love to converse with you all about any of the topics I write about, or any topics that you are interested in. If you have questions, comments, or you just want to talk about life, don't hesitate to email me at msandwithcrader@gmail.com! I hope to hear from you all soon!
Talk to you soon,
Madi
Political Courage- Governor Chris Christie
With the recent government shutdown, I started thinking about politicians that act on how they feel verses how their party wants them to act. I am very interested in politics and I find politicians who practice courage in their line of work to be very admirable.
When
I think about politicians who have shown courage in their line of work, Governor
of New Jersey, Chris Christie comes to mind. There are countless times
throughout his political career Christie has demonstrated courage, starting
with his election process. New Jersey is a fairly liberal state and Christie is
a conservative politician. However, despite the adversity he encounters as he
ran for governor, he pushed through and was eventually elected. One admirable
quality about Christie is that he does what he thinks is right for his state
and he will fight for it until it becomes a reality. Even if it means
separating from his political party, Christie is willing to face whatever repercussions
for his actions coming from his political party or other people because he has
demonstrated through us work that what he thinks to be right for the majority of
his state will always come first and he will put it political career on the
line for it. This started with his ideal
of conversion politics when he first became governor. At the start, his
conservative ideals were not welcomed by the liberal state, but he persevered,
and implemented economic programs that stimulated New Jersey’s economy. Then,
when hurricane sandy hit, Christie was prepared and ready to be there for his state.
Where his political party did not appreciate the accolades that Christie gave Obama
in order to get aid for the people who had lost their homes, Christie did so
any way. He went against his party wishes in order to do what is right. In a
political system where political parties are at odds and bind politicians to
certain beliefs, however, Christie is not afraid to break those binds to do
what is right, even if it means putting his political career on the line. Another
example of this is the fact that Christie recently passed the law that allowed
gay marriage in New Jersey. Where gay marriage is not a republican ideal, Christie
decided that it would be the right thing for his state and decided to pass the
law. While republicans may not appreciate it, Christie made the decisions out
of what he felt was right and he doesn’t mind facing repercussions from is colleagues.
Christie is a role model for courage because he does what is right and deals
with the response from people who don’t agree with him. However, his actions
speak for themselves because they always seem to work out and benefit New
Jersey. Christie pushes the limits of politics and the binds of a political
party. To Christie, New Jersey is his political party that shapes his decisions
in office.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Hiking the Camino
Hiking
the Camino was a book that seriously made me change the way I looked at my
faith, life, and attitude in general. Looking back on my life I realize that I
have had to deal with a lot of pain and difficulty. I never really thought much
of it until I went to my sophomore retreat and I really met God for the first
time. After that point I thought that God would make me feel painless all the time.
Shortly after the retreat I came to the harsh reality that faith and a
relationship with God was not all cookies and rainbows. I didn’t understand why
all of the love I felt at retreats couldn’t stay with me as a ventured out into
my daily struggles. I often found myself to be angry at God and I resented him
for allowing these things to happen in my life.
I would pray and ask God for them to go away, but they never did.
So, I opened the
book and I started reading. Honestly, I thought it was going to be pointless
and just about another priest’s perfect relationship with God. I was mistaken.
After Father Dave cracked a couple jokes and made me feel comfortable and
engaged in his story, he would pull on my heart strings and make me reevaluate
my attitude. As I was reading I felt like I could hear God yelling at me to
stop thinking that following him was easy. As I read the book, I realized that
if following Jesus was easy, everyone would do it. When I have those moments of
peace when I am on retreats, it is god reassuring me that he is with me during
those times of pain that I must return to. Instead of asking god to stop the
pain, I need to ask god to walk with me. Jesus didn’t want to endure his
suffering on the cross, but he did it anyway out of love for me. I need to
endure my suffering and do it for Jesus. I can further grow in my relationship
with God by uniting my suffering to his on the cross. I loved how Father Dave
kept reiterating “All this for the King”. Our life is hard and we go through it
in order to be with god in heaven at the end of it all.
Another major
lesson I learned from hiking the Camino was that God has a specific path for
you. Everyone that he puts on that path is there for a reason and god intends
for you to learn something from that person. As I was reading, I thought about
the people that God put in my life to teach me lessons. I started to laugh
because it hit me that God has this huge master plan that he is carrying out
and when I look back on the lessons I have learned, I can see that I learned
them due to different experiences I had with people. I am excited to see what I
will learn and how I will grow in my relationship with God when I relate to the
people God puts in my path.
As I move forward
after reading this book, it is time for me to make some changes in my life. To start
I need to put God first. I don’t get to choose my cross or my path. It is all
up to god. I need to put God first and trust in his will. I need to pray more
and I need to change my prayer. Instead of asking God to change the things I cannot
change, I need to ask god to change my attitude and how I handle situations. I remember
at the campus ministry retreat when I was the last one left in the maze. I don’t
need to go this walk alone and there is no shame in asking god to help along
this road. God can be my anchor when everything else seems to be going wrong. God
can be my friend when I feel alone. God can be my guide through college and the
crazy teenage experiences. In the end all I have to do is ask for his help and
wisdom and he will help me through. Now that is not saying that everything will
be easy. Following god is one of the hardest paths to follow, but the outcome
is the best thing in the universe. Now when I ask God for help, I can’t just
take it and forget about him until I need help again. A relationship with God
needs work every single day. I need to work with him and thank him for all that
he does for me and thank him for my suffering because in the end it brings me closer
to him. What I didn’t realize before this book was that suffering is a blessing
and I just need to be willing to except and thank God for these blessings.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
George Zimmerman
I wanted to take a moment to change things around a bit. Recently I have gotten very interested in the HLN court cases. one of these cases included the George Zimmerman case. If you do not know, George Zimmerman was the security watch man who stalked a seventeen year old African American boy who was walking around the neighborhood. This boy was named Trayvon Martin. At the time he was walking home from a 7-11 with a bag of skittles. George Zimmerman followed this poor boy and eventually got out of his car, attacked him and killed him. If Zimmerman had never gotten out of his car, Trayvon would still be alive. It is quite obvious that Zimmerman only stalked Trayvon because he was African American. unfortunately, Zimmerman was found not guilty due to self defense. personally I think this is absurd. it is quite obvious that Zimmerman is guilty. due to the evidence that I have examined on this case, I feel that George Zimmerman was wrongly acquitted, justice was not served, and George Zimmerman should be in jail.
This I believe
Just something to think about. What do you believe in? This is what I believe.
Danger is around every corner. What would the point life be if we didn’t
put ourselves out there? What if we didn’t take risks in order to make
ourselves happy? I take giant leaps of
faith every day when I climb on the backs of my beloved horses. Every time I
climb on board of this magnificent animal, I do so knowing that they too have
minds of their own and that they can choose to do whatever they wish despite
the fact that I am on their back, and yet they don’t. So, I believe in an unspoken connection between
the horse and its rider. The horse trusts me and I trust the horse. When we are
together we become one body. It’s almost as if we make a pact. When I put my
foot in that stirrup, I promise the horse that I won’t put them in danger. In
return, they promise me that they will protect me even if I make a mistake.
It is for this reason that I also
believe that every rider needs to have a connection and a relationship with
their horse. My horses are my other half. It goes beyond a feeling of
companionship. I stare into my horse’s eyes and I can see the love that we have
for each other. I believe in a language that is unique to each couple. Only the
horse and rider will ever be able to understand this unique language. It is
through this language that I communicate with my horse and our bond grows every
time we encounter each other’s gaze.
This unspoken connection is the most important thing in my life. It is
what keeps me sane when everything else in my life going wrong. All it takes is
one look into those big brown eyes and I instantly feel better. I believe that
a horse can make any sad moment special. In each of these curing moments, our
connection grows even stronger despite all odds.
What does this all mean? In the end I don’t understand why I share such a
strong love for these stunning animals. Ever since I was a young girl, I have
had a natural inclination towards these amazing creatures. It is a natural fire
that will always burn inside of me. I will always do anything for my horses
because a certain, unique love emerges between two souls when they trust each
other with their lives every day. I know that my horses will always protect me
and I know that my horses understand that I will do anything for them. Even
when I am not riding, my horses and I share an unspoken connection that is
unexplainable to the outside world. I think that such a connection is special
and is the most important thing in the world. I think people should search the
world for that one thing that means the world to them, but they can’t explain
to anyone else. It is funny because when I try to explain to people who do not
understand my sport, how much I love horses and how they make my life whole,
they always look at me with a perplexed gaze. In the end I don’t feel the need
to explain to these people why I love these animals because the only thing that
matters is how I feel about my love.
In the book of Corinthians, the bible says, “Love is patient, love is
kind”. Throughout the world, the entire
human race is on the hunt for love like a bumblebee looking for a flower to
land on. We are constantly on the search for something that will fuel their
entire life. I am lucky enough to have found that something. I feel like the
connection I have with my horses embodies this quote from the bible. There is
patience when we work through struggles together. Patience when we practice
together in order to achieve that harmony between horse and rider. Our love is
kind because I could never say anything negative about a horse. Equitation is
the phrase that defines a person riding a horse. The term comes from the
Spanish word equitación,
which means harmony between horse and rider. I am constantly striving for this
harmony. I feel like this harmony is representative of the constant strive for
harmony between people. Sometimes we fall off. Sometimes we have the perfect
round. The struggles that occur through the ups and downs of life are the
reason why we build relationships. So, I do not only believe in horses and
their connection with the rider, but I believe in love.
The Cold Nights of Winer
Here is a little short story I wrote. I hope you enjoy.
If you have any questions for me regarding the story... don't hesitate to email me at msandwithcrader@gmail.com I hope you enjoyed it.
The Cold Nights of
Winter
I
gaze around the courtroom in a state of confusion. I am partly angry at myself
for putting myself in this position. On the other hand I blame Jacob, but I
have to be responsible for my own choices.
Everything around me is intimidating. The judge is starting at me with
piercing eyes full of contempt. Her ugly, wrinkled hand stretches out from
underneath her dark flowing robe, reading to lay down the gauntlet with my
conviction. The jury probably hates me because they probably have better things
to do than sit here and listen to me plead insanity. The Jury is made up of men
and women alike, dressed in normal everyday clothes, eagerly waiting that
moment that they can be set free while I am placed in custody. Everything else
is empty; empty walls, empty chairs, and empty tables. Today is my final day in
court. Today is the day I will be told my fate. The funny thing is the night it
all happened is a total blur. Everything I know about the actual event was
explained to me by my boyfriend Jacob. Jacob is intoxicating with is long dark
hair and piercing blue eyes that are softly hidden underneath is silky hair. I
have been dating Jacob for almost two years and up until now, it has been
complete bliss. He always treated me right and he took care of me when I left
home at 17. I have been living with him in our small apartment above 5th
street in Brooklyn since then. I left my wealthy family for many reasons. To
start with they wanted me to become someone that I am not. I wasn’t the
daughter they wanted me to be. They wanted me to go to NYU to study economics.
From there the plan was to get a job working on Wall Street. Little did they
know, due to the fact that my opinions didn’t matter to them that I planned on
going to art school? On the night of my seventeenth birthday, I told them about
my plans. My father stared at me with a grim face before stomping up the stairs
making giant thuds with each step. My mother on the other hand went ballistic.
After the yelling and screaming ceased, I called Jacob, packed a bag, and I
haven’t spoken to my parents since.
I am 25 now and I
never believed I would be in this position, alone, sitting in a court room
awaiting the fate that would change my life forever. I remember the night of
the incident clear as day; it seemed so full of promise. I was having a lot of
anxiety paying off my student loans from art school and it seemed as if my
entire world was crashing down on me. Jacob thought he could help. So that
night I met him after work at a little bar on the corner of the bad part of
town. The air, the walls, the streets, all appeared dark and sketchy. There was
trash blanketing the ground and the air permeated of sewer. I tentatively
walked into the bar. I had never been to this side of town, nor did I think
that Jacob would ever be in this place. Despite all odds, I walked into the bar
and took a seat next to an ugly biker that looked like a rock star that hadn’t
had a shower in months. He had piercings and tattoos all over his body and he
reeked of booze. I sat uncomfortably
next to him until Jacob emerged in the doorway. He strode over to me with his
biceps pulsing with every step. To this day, he still makes my heart race. He
grabs my waist with strong impulsion and kisses me hard. My lips felt like they
were on fire. I remember thinking that he was the only person in the world that
could understand me and yet he got me into the biggest pickle that I will never
fully be able to get myself out of. Sitting next to him, drowning my sorrows at
the bar, he reveals to me a couple of tiny red and black pills. They were
large, appeared to be too large for human consumption. But I was desperate.
Jacob claimed the pills were supposed to help me relax, but they did no such
thing. I take the pills and swallow them with a huge gulp from my absolute
martini. I can still remember the sour taste of the pills mixed with the horrid
olive flavor from the martini searing my throat as they slid down into my
stomach. I remember seeing a light emerge out of thin air. From that point on,
I remember nothing. Apparently I had gotten in my car to drive home, ran a red
light, and killed a homeless person crossing the street. Apparently the scene
was horrific. Thanks to Jacob, I remember nothing.
So here I sit in
silence. Suddenly I hear, “all rise for the judge”. I stand. She peers down at
me and I look up at her with begging eyes. After what seems like a decade, the
judge speaks. “Due to the fact that the defendant was unaware of the substance she
was taking, and it resulted in temporary insanity, I hereby sentence the
defendant to ten years in a state rehab institution.” I am at a loss for
emotions. I feel empty. I peer over at the prosecution. They wanted me to get
life in prison. My own attorneys are celebrating. I however realize that I
can’t breathe. I am gasping for air. I must sound awful like a cat’s evil hiss.
The realization those two seconds of taking a pill is going to cost me ten
years of my life in a lock down rehab facility.
The guards march towards me and snap the
handcuffs on my wrists with such force that I am sure that it will leave a mark
tomorrow morning. They push me outside the court doors and into a white van.
Inside the van, they lock me in a cage like a rabid animal. I sit in silence
unsure of what to think. I start drifting off into my own world of
thoughts. The van comes to a halt.
German shepherds surround the van. I am jerked out of the cage and through the
front doors where I see a woman standing before me. She is tall, too tall. She
reminds of school librarian that you feared when you were a child. She wore a
long white coat and had nails about two inches long coated in blood red nail
polish. The men uncuffed me as the German shepherds sniffed around my general
vicinity for drugs. When I was cleared as clean, the woman grips my shoulders
and walks me towards a white room with two metal chairs inside. It was here
that I first met Meredith. I sit down in the cool metal chair and watch as the
door softly opens. A tiny blonde girl with soft curls bounces into the room. I
am confused. What on earth would the twenty year old version of Shirley temple is
doing in a drug facility? She reaches out her hand to shake mine. “Meredith”
she proclaims softly “and you?” I clear my throat with a loud gurgle. “Winter”.
“Wow. Such a mystic name. Does it stand for something?” “My parents always told
me I was called winter because I emulate the worst season of the year.”
Meredith doesn’t flinch. She replies with a soft giggle before continuing. “I
am your roommate. I have been here for 4 years. I was sent here when I was 16
for possession and dealing of marijuana. Today I am completely sober and
granted with the freedom to spend the rest of my 5 year sentence mentoring the
newbies like you.” Again, I don’t know what to say so I awkwardly reply, “ok,
what next?” we stand and go to our room.
More white. I am getting sick of
all this white. Luckily for me, it is almost the night.
When we get to our
room Meredith and I talk for a while. She tells me her story. She was always a
good girl until the stock market crash which left her family dry. She met a guy
her freshman year of high school that gave her her first joint and after a
couple months she was dealing the stuff for money. Lots of it. In February of
that same year she tried to deal to an undercover cop and was arrested and
stuffed in here. After years of counseling she became sober and certified to
help others for her final year in the institution. I go on to tell her my
story. At the end she seems unappeased and adds, “Men are pigs eh?” that was
shocking to me. We talk for hours after lights out about Jacob and my parents.
I know I have only known her for a few short hours, but she has helped me make
sense of it all. After talking to her all I want to do is see Jacob and tell
him that I don’t blame him anymore.
I wait until 3 am
to carry out my plan. Luckily, prior to the court deliberation today, Jacob
came to visit me in my holding cell. It was there that we planned my escape
tonight. There is a window in my room, locked of course. I peer around the room
and I notice Meredith’s certified member badge. As she walked me to our room
earlier in the day, she used that card to enter any room. I swipe the card and
slide outside the room. I walk up to the guard on our floor and show the card.
He looks suspicious, but waves me through. I stride towards the big red light
that says staff door. Another guard waits. I get ready to show the card even
though I don’t think it will work because Meredith is technically a patient
here. As I approach, I realize that the guard is dreaming in his chair
accompanied by a soft snore. I creep past him and out the door. I am out. I
didn’t think it would be that easy, but I did it.
I start to walk towards the park where I said
I would meet Jacob. As I approach I see him sitting there so proud and tall. He
looks like he just won the lottery. His smug, pretentious expression worries
me. As I get closer his eyes are beet red. “Jacob”, I say softly. He lurches
towards me unable to control himself. “Winter, my girl” he slurs. His grubby
hands are all over me. I am feeling violated so I push him off of me. bad plan.
He starts to yell. “ Winter, who do you think you are? You are not allowed to
just touch me like that.” His hand swings towards me and slaps me clear across the face. The area
where he hit me is cold and tingly. It begins to burn like my skin is on fire.
That is when I realize that I am on the ground. He is still hitting me. I don’t
understand what is happening. I see a light and I start to fade into it. I
think to myself, “I wonder if this is dying feels like”.
I wake next to
Meredith and the creepy tall lady in a hospital bed in downtown New York
City. I don’t know how they found me or
what my punishment will be, but the doctor tells me that I am lucky to be
alive. I have just undergone emergency surgery in attempt to fix the internal
organ damage caused by Jacobs beating, I look in a mirror. I don’t know who I
am looking at, but the girl with scars, her hair shaved off, and a face that
resembles a bowl of black and purple plums certainly does not look like me. The
doctor continues to say, “Obviously, you will need cosmetic surgery to fix your
appearance. We can attempt to make you look as normal as possible.” Great. Ten
years in a facility and I might never look normal again. Sometimes I wish I could
just go back to the day I packed my bags. I wonder if things would be
different. I hear Meredith gasp. I follow her eyesight to the door where Jacob stands
looking as if he has been through a hurricane. He doesn’t say a word. He takes
one look at me and breaks down into a puddle on the floor. His tears
practically drowning my emergency care room. I can barely hear him mutter the
words “I’m so sorry” on repeat for about 20 minutes. Despite my conscience telling me not to, my
heart forgives him on the spot. I love this man. I don’t care what he does to
me.
Jacob stays with
me for the next couple weeks in the hospital. After, I am released back to the
facility, but post my rendezvous in the night; I am now sentenced to 20 years
here, not ten. I disregard that completely. Again, after Meredith
falls asleep, I take her card and leave. I meet Jacob just outside the rehab facility. Hand
in hand we walk away towards the moonlight.
If you have any questions for me regarding the story... don't hesitate to email me at msandwithcrader@gmail.com I hope you enjoyed it.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Unspoken Connections
Unspoken Connections
There are certain
moments in ones life
When nature and
expirences unite
Emotions and actions
work as one
In order to
overcome ones strife
Sometimes people
live for those times
When nature
transforms their life
For me, that time is When I am flying through
the air
On horseback, with
wind going through my hair like chimes
Animals, humans
and nature all become one
I stare into my
horse’s eyes And we have an unspoken connection
It is that
connection that unites the two different worlds
And we know that
we cant be outdone
in the end, nature
is the center of my life
Because I live every second of every day for
my horses
In my mind they
are the greates creatures nature has to offer
Our connection
demonstrates the union of life and nature that releives all strife.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
The Ballad of the Dream Horse
THE BALLAD OF THE DREAM HORSE
EUROPEAN BLEND, THE DREAM HORSE
HER COAT WAS DARK LIKE WINE
HER EYES DEEPER THAN MIDNIGHT SKY
THIS HORSE; THIS LOVE OF MINE
WE GALLOP OVER JUMPS WITH EASE
GRACEFULLY FLYING
WE COMPETE IN ORDER TO WIN
WE ARE ALWAYS TRYING
THE DREAM HORSE AND I HIT THE ROAD
OFF TO THE SHOW WE GO
MINDS FOCUSED; SPOTLIGHT ON
THIS IS OUR HORSE SHOW
WE HAVE OUR MINDS SET TO WIN
WE STEP INTO THE RING
EACH JUMP IS DONE SO PERFECTLY
THE ROUND MADE ANGELS SING
EUROPEAN BLEND THE DREAM HORSE
HER I CANNOT REPLACE
THE ANNOUNCER CALLS OUR OUR NAMES
MY DREAM HORSE WINS FIRST PLACE
An Ode to Lili
Lili is my current competing show horse. Her show name is European Blend. I wrote two poems for her. This one is titled Ode to Lili.
An Ode to Lili
Lili you are so graceful and strong
I remember the day i first met you
It was like nothing could go wrong
And there was nothing we couldn’t do.
Your unique beauty is astounding and vast
your silky coat that looks darker than night
It is a beauty that is rare and will always last
No matter what happens you beauty will always shine bright.
When we work together our hearts beat as one
We float majestically around the jumps with ease
We capture the attention of all until we are done.
At the end of it all it is a blue ribbon we will seize
Lili my amazing love
I couldn’t ask for a better horse, partner, and friend
Our connection is rare and can only be from above
My girl, on you, my heart will forever depend.
Picture This
I wrote this about my first horse. Her name was Picture This. Recently she tore a ligament in her foot which made her have to have surgey. Currently she is staying at the Equine hospital about two hours away from where I live. I try to visit her as much as possible, but i just want her to be home and healthy again. I love her and miss her. I wrote this for her because she will always have a special place in my heart.
Picture This
Everyone has a destiny
But not everyone chooses to follow it.
Seventeen years prior, two beings were put on this earth
To share and grow in one destiny together.
Fate waited patiently for these two to meet
It was not until age fourteen that they made this encounter
The two fell in love at once
It was a match made in heaven, written in the stars
My darkest days were brightened by one soul
Our love communicated in our own special language
It was a language only our hearts could understand
Because at the brink of disaster she was there to hold my
hand
We were competitive, daring, and courageous
We would forget about common sense in order to achieve
greatness
My eyes were forward and my hands were gripping her mane
As she flew through the air determined and strong
Her beauty is blinding and her strength could move the mountains
However it is her heart that makes the greatest impact
I will never feel a love so strong
Because she became piece of my heart for all eternity
Destiny is a curious thing
I know now that I was born to be on the back of this
magnificent creature
We were a match made in heaven; written in the stars
Picture This and I, living out one destiny, together.
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